I am convinced that my children are little communists. Here are just a few reasons why I believe this to be true:
1) They refuse to eat macaroni and cheese. Mac and cheese is a classic American staple that all good capitalist children enjoy. In fact, most good American children will do anything for a good ol' bowl of mac and cheese, including selling their siblings (a very capitalist enterprise, I might add). My children; however, refuse to eat the stuff. They look at it like I just gave them a plate of potatoes and cabbage (a staple that was enjoyed by children all over the former Soviet Union, and which all good American children rightly despise). I wonder if my children would actually prefer potatoes and cabbage, since they're little communists. In fact, I bet that they'd love RED potatoes and RED cabbage!
2) They always want what I have. If I am eating something yummy, they think that they are entitled to have some of it. Recently, I was eating a gluten-free cookie, and my 4-year-old asked me if he could have one. I said that since they are gluten-free, and I couldn't eat the regular ones, I would prefer that he eat one of the regular cookies and let me have the gluten-free ones. His response: "It's nice to share, Mama." Well, what choice did I have? I very grudgingly gave him one of my cookies. I couldn't help thinking later about this forced "sharing." Seems kinda strange, don't you think? And, by "strange" I mean "communist."
3) They are little dictators. They always create new "laws" and they are prepared to use force to enforce them. Case in point: Jackson decides that Simon must pretend to be a dog, and allow him to attach a leash to him so that he can be walked. Simon obeys, knowing that that resistance is futile.
Honestly, friends, Chris and I are good Americans. We even pronounce the word "American" like "Amerkin" because we're just that patriotic. We are Proud to be Amerkin. We earnestly hope that God will bless the USA, despite the fact that the USA does nothing to bless God. We hate all things that have been manufactured in China. We wave our US flags with fervor, and hum John Phillips Sousa songs at the top of our lungs. Heck, we even set off fireworks on the 4th of EVERY month because we love the 4th of July so much! I honestly don't understand why my children are turning out to be communists! But, I pledge that I WILL get to the bottom of this situation. I will eliminate the communist scourge from my home, or my name isn't Betsy Ross!
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I think you are really on to something here. My child likes Mac and Cheese, but she does exhibit symptoms of points two and three. I shall continue monitoring her for signs of communism.
ReplyDeleteYou do need to keep an eagle eye on that one, Kelley. Communism, much like the invasion of mice can start with only one or two signs, but the next thing you know, you're overrun by tiny commies!
ReplyDeleteDo whatever is necessary to eliminate the communist scourge from your home. Remember what a wise man once said, "Better dead than red.". (if you're not familiar with the movie Red Dawn, you should count yourself fortunate; however, it did come up with a few gems.)